Merry Freakin Christmas
by Raven-2010
Summary: Inu Draws a picture of Sessh wearing only a diaper, then Inu & Sessh draw pervy pictures of each other as a revenge joke & make Christmas cards out of them but when Inu mails some to their friends it turns into a sick prank war" Pranks romance Sessh/Kag


**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and Viz Media do, I don't own. The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clark Moore**. Or **Jingle Bells by James Pierpont **

dedicated to **KatiechanXoxoXSesshoukun**. Written for Christmas 2010, edited, updated, extended Oct 6 2011, lol to and merry Christmas every one. Rated R for language, Sessh/Kag

**Merry Freakin Christmas**

**By Raven 2010 Dec 16 2010**

**Pre Christmas gifts, the night before Christmas, and Sesshoumaru's card**

"Sesshoumaruuuuu" Inuyasha screamed when he discovered the pre Christmas gift wrapped present Sesshoumaru had left on his bed. A bib, pacifier, diaper, and baby bottle all pink "I'm gonna kill you dead, use your sword bring you back then do it all over again"

"Merry pre Christmas little brother"

"You know we ought to just put them in a cage lock it and leave them in there till Christmas morning" Sango said

"Nah then we'd have a double homicide" Kagome said "And picture explaining that to the police"

"You've got a point there" How about we drug them and let them sleep till Christmas day? Kagome said

Later on Sesshoumaru was looking forward to and went for a nice warm shower after lunch. He stripped, got into the shower, then reached out to turn the water on but instead of water he was doused with pink glitter from head to toe. Immediately murderous thoughts filled his mind

"Inuyashaaaaa, your going to die for this" Sesshoumaru screamed

"Merry Before Christmas my little Christmas fairy" Inuyasha teased

"What the hell happened now" Kagome said

"I don't know what our cute little dog eared puppy did now, but I've got a feeling there's about to be a homicide" Sango replied "I wonder what he did though"

"Dear gods Inuyasha what have you done now? Miroku asked

They soon found out when Sesshoumaru came barreling down the stairs wearing a pair of white shorts, that's when they saw the poor taiyoukai was covered from head to toe with pink glitter. Eyes wide the group watched as Sesshoumaru searched with murderous

Intent, he followed his nose to his target

"Aw Such a pretty fairy wearing her magic fairy dust" Inuyasha razzed

"I am about to become an only child" Sesshoumaru snapped

"Aw, you don't mean that your stuffy life would be dead and boring without me" Inuyasha said and at the same time turned to run

"The boy has no limits to his depravity" Kagome commented

It's near Christmas time again and the Taisho brothers are deep into their yearly Christmas prank war, and every year try to out do each other with the sickest practical jokes they can come up with. After Inuyasha had drawn a color picture of Sesshoumaru sitting on the floor in front of a Christmas tree wearing nothing but a diaper, a red Santa hat on his head, and a pacifier in his mouth, it looked all to real, he made a card out of it, then gave it to Kagome

"Oh my god poor Sesshoumaru" Kagome said

"Why, what happened? Sango asked

"Take a look" Kagome answered, then handed Sango the card

"You know just when we think Inuyasha cannot get any sicker he always proves us wrong" Sango said "Never tell Sessh I said this, but you've got to admit it is funny"

Sesshouaru had a classic he was writing to yank Inuyasha's chain and it started the fun, part of the battle would be with written words he was going to get revenge. Sesshoumaru was also a very talented artist, he drew a very detailed color picture of Inuyasha naked wearing only a red Santa hat, a red sock the opening of it trimmed with white fur on his shaft, and a red bow tie around his neck with one hand he was holding and sucking milk from a baby bottle

Sesshoumaru then made Christmas cards out of it and gave one to each Sango, Miroku, and Kagome. And written on it inside was something that was going to be the second reason Inuyasha was going to want to kill him repeatedly Sesshoumaru did not care he was enjoying this to much to stop now

_**The Night before Christmas **_

_**It was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even my brother the drunken louse. The mouse was laid up in his hole all cozy and tight full of holiday cheer because he smoked reefer and drank beer throughout the night **_

_**Inuyasha's silver white girlie panties were hung by the chimney with care and he hoped that they wouldn't clash with his hair. Inuyasha wore his Santa cap smoked a joint then took a long winters nap, the others were nestled snug in their beds while visions of Christmas gifts ran in their heads**_

_**Then up on the roof I heard such a clatter I jumped out of bed and away from my good piece of ass to see what was the matter. Then out on the roof I saw Inuyasha posing as old saint Nick and I thought to myself this is sick**_

_**He slipped and fell off the roof now that was a good trick I thought the fucker had broke his dick. as I looked at his rosy cheeks I knew the bastard was drunk as a skunk **_

_**Rudolph said get up you lazy punk**_

_**Listen to my words for they are true shut up before I make a steak out of you Inuclause threatened**_

_**Hah try and you die, with all that hair on your face you look like a pussy your a disgrace to the youkai race, Rudolph replied**_

_**Inuclause struggled and he strained to get back up on his feet then turned white as a sheet I said, Santa don't you think it's low class to drink on a work night? you bag of gas**_

_**Inuclause said kiss my hairy ass**_

_**He then grabbed his bag of presents, and dropped it down the chimney, then jumped in and it was just my luck the drunk ass bastard got stuck. He then let out such a thunderous fart the son of a bitch blew my fucking chimney and fireplace apart, as the chimney bricks gave way he finally fell in. As I stood holding the booze bottles with a grin I asked will it be whisky or gin?**_

_**So together we sat had a few drinks and a long chat I'll get right to the point Santa gave me a cigar sized joint, we smoked and we toked. Then he said I hate to leave but it's time to go I've got presents to deliver I said I know**_

_**Before he left he reached into his bag took out and gave me a case of beer, and said same time next year. Then he got on his sleigh Rudolph said It's about fucking time I do not tell a lie when I say your slower then constipation in the middle of July, while you sit with the others by the fire place warming your butts out here I stand with frozen nuts **_

_**As they rode across the sky and out of sight Santa said fuck you one and all and have a hell of a night"**_

"Holy shit Sessh I cant believe it" you made this card? Wide eyed Sango said, then cracked up after reading it

"Indeed Sesshoumaru this is a masterpiece" Miroku commented

Inuyasha came in, and went right to his room, there he found the card Sesshoumaru had so nicely left him on his bed. It had the picture on the front and the version of jingle bells Sesshoumaru had written inside, Inuyasha's eyes went wide with a look a combination of shock want for vengeance and embarrassment

Inuyasha did not throw his usual fit of blind rage no he had plans of his own and a wicked smile crossed his lips as. Silently he made his way down the stairs, in a flash he was behind Sesshoumaru before the others could warn him Inuyasha was already giving big bro a huge killer wedgy

"Yeeeeeeeeow" what the fuck? ah shit, Inuyashaaaaa"

"Awww fluffy got the card you left me you sick puppy, happy holidays big bro hehehe" Inuyasha said laughing

".1.0 and their off" Miroku said, the chase was on Inuyasha was already plotting more revenge while being chased by Sesshoumaru "Don't fall down and go boom" he said to Inuyasha retreating form

"Go hit baseballs with your dick" Inuyasha shot back

"Get back here you dog eared soon to be dead rat faced little weasel" Sesshoumaru screamed "Hold still so I can kill you"

"Try and keep up ya drooling doddering old goat" Inuyasha taunted "Come on Sesslowmaru put some effort into it"

"That boy has the sickest ways of gaining attention" Miroku said

**Jingle bells, payback, and Inuyasha's revenge**

Inuyasha's mind being in revenge mode overdrive smoke was practically coming out of his ears from scheming, he ran numerous scenarios through his head looking for the perfect way to annoy and humiliate Sesshoumaru. Deciding what's good for the goose is good for the gander Inuyasha went to work on drawing a humiliating picture and card as Sesshoumaru had done to him

Being quite the talented artist Inuyasha began drawing a detailed color picture of Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha drew Sesshoumaru naked wearing only a red ribbon bow tied around his length, with a bone between his teeth, his male nipples painted cherry red, a red white fur trimmed Santa hat on his head, and pacifier in one hand

Inuyasha then used his computer and printer to make a bunch of cards, and printed labels with the addresses of about 1fifteen of their friends on them. He put the cards in the envelopes, then the stamps, and labels on them, and mailed the cards everyone got their cards the following morning

The phone rang "Hello? Sesshoumaru answered

"Hello? Sesshy you look absolutely yummy why if I had known that I would have devoured you long ago, in fact I could just eat you up right now" Kagura teased

"Kagura I have no idea of what you speak of" when did you become a cannibal? And what the hell are you talking about?

"Are you near your computer? She asked

"No why?

"Well Sessh go turn it on and I'll send you a picture of it so then you'll see what I am talking about" Kagura told him, he went to and turned on his computer

"Okay it's on go ahead send it" he said

The picture came up on Sesshoumaru's computer, his beautiful golden eyes went wide, his mouth gaped, and at the same time he gasped. Then many various thoughts of slow torture and the murder of a certain hanyou ran through his head. He could not decide right away on a specific thing but he'd worry about that later

"Did you get it Sessh? Now do you see what I mean? I just got the card in the mail this morning" Kagura stated

"Yes Kagura I did and Inuyasha drew it"

"Kids got talent" she replied "Very nicely detailed if I may say so myself"

Then Sesshoumaru caught something out of the corner of his eye, he looked at his bed and saw a card laying on it, he picked it up, opened, read it ,and gulped "Sesshoumaru what's wrong? Are you all right? Kagura asked

_**Jingle bells**_

_**Dashing through the snow on a on horse open sleigh over the fields they go laughing all the way. Sessha's boobs bounce high and low making spirits bright oh what a sexy sight as they ride through the night**_

_**Jingle bells ain't this a bitch Sesshy's nuts itch, oh fuck he thinks he's got a rash so he made a mad dash. Oh hell no now he is sitting spread eagle in the snow trying to freeze the itch away**_

_**Jingle bells Sesshoumaru smells and he ruptured his nuts because out on the icy snows he's been chasing ho's. Sesshy Claus slipped and fell then he broke his dick, now he's laid up in the hospital sick with his pecker in a cast wondering how long will his misery last and hoping it'll heal fast**_

_**Jaken his faithful retainer is sick of all the bullshit and got drunk on sake to escape all of it. Sesshy Claus the son of a bitch is late because he stopped off at the cathouse to scratch an itch then when he was done getting a good lay he came out and jumped on his sleigh**_

_**Rudolph lets go said Sesshy Claus. Oh hell no I don't think so ho, ho, ho and deck the halls while your in there having fun we stand out here freezing our balls off. So us rein deer came to a decision we will what's you need so that you will succeed. But from now on your gonna have to buy and give us high grade weed none of that cheap, shit got it? Rudolph informed him**_

_**Sesshy Claus finally agreed as they rose up into the sky and rode of sight ho, ho, ho piss on you all and have a bitchin good night said Sesshy Claus**_

"Yes I just found one of those very same cards on my bed, Inuyasha just put it here not long ago because it wasn't here this morning" Sesshoumaru answered

"Did you read it yet? I forgot to tell you about that part sorry Sessh, but it is fucking hilarious. I never knew he was such a sick puppy"

"Yes and little brother is going to be laughing all the way to the dentist"

"Awww Sessh don't kill him to much and be gentle he is delicate" Kagura joked

"Yes Kagura and that is why I will only delicately bruise him"

"Ouch rough trade, okay well I gotta go now play nice Sesshoumaru"

"Oh I will I promise" he said smiling evilly "Now Sesshy gonna have fun" he thoughtt

Christmas day the next morning Inuyasha was just getting home little did Sesshoumaru know the unexpected wonderful turn things were about to take. A few minutes after Inuyasha returned a visitor had just arrived, Sesshoumaru went down stairs fully intent on killing Inuyasha, Inuyasha saw the murderous look in Sesshoumaru's eyes and was about to run when Sesshoumaru lunged for him

Kagome immediately got between them "Hey, hey, hey guys it's Christmas morning and you two are at again" what the hell's going on? Lets go talk this out" Kagome said

"Okay" they agreed

They all took their favorite places sitting on the plushly carpeted living room floor, Kagome asked Sesshoumaru why he was so furious, so he told her everything. Remembering that she had received one of those cards in the mail the day before and that she had not yet opened it she reached into her purse, pulled it out, and looked when she saw the picture she gasped

"Sesshoumaru this picture is you? And Inuyasha drew it? It looks so real like a portrait, wow it's beautiful" Said Kagome "Wow and that's nice to" she said smiling lecherously

"Yes" Sesshoumaru started and was cut off

Before he knew what hit him Sesshoumaru was pounced on, tackled, and pushed onto his back down on to the floor with a very amorous miko sitting on him straddling his hips. Before he could react Kagome had his lips pinned beneath hers in a crushing kiss that was quickly followed by her tongue entering his mouth, and he did not protest or stop her

"Gasp" hah, what? The others said in barely a whisper

"What the hell got into her? Damn wench is in attack mode" Inuyasha said "Shit as big as he is I can't believe how fucking easy she took him down"

"Whoa, go Kags" the females all said

"If only a girl would do that to me" Miroku said

"Monk" Sango responded "And one tries you better say no"

At first for a flash second Sesshoumaru was almost frozen in shock then he relaxed and his arms went around her and he kissed her back harder. Kagome, became more aggressive, Sesshoumaru pulled her down so that she was almost laying on top of him, passion and lust began to cloud his mind making him oblivious to everything but her

"Oh great ain't this a bitch I drew the picture he gets the girl, and is gonna get laid. Merry Freakin Christmas ya lucky bastard" Inuyasha wise cracked

Unable to take anymore Sesshoumaru stood still holding Kagome up, she wrapped her legs around his waist. Still kissing and without stopping Sesshoumaru leapt up to the second floor, went into his room, and locked his door he and Kagome weren't seen again till later that night at dinner when they returned as mates

"Ooooo lord Stiffington I see you can still walk you horny bastard" Inuyasha teased

"Yes little brother you drew the picture and I got the grand prize one very passionate miko and mate, so I thank you for that and now I won't kill you" Sesshoumaru stated smiling evilly

"Awww so tell me when Sesshy cakes lost his cherry berry" did it hurt? Inuyasha taunted

"No but I bet your right hand does from all that wrist action" hah? What's it up to three times a day now? Sesshoumaru ragged a beet red Inuyasha

"Ah get bent you rabid dog" Inuyasha wise cracked

"No little brother that's your job" ooo got a sore wrist sir pumps a lot? You know if you keep doing that you can go blind"

"Bite me" Inuyasha said

"Sorry I don't like dog meat, but miko meat on the other hand is tasty beyond belief" Sesshoumaru taunted "Slurp"

"Eeeeew, shut up that's disgusting" Inuyasha whined "And I don't want to know about it"

"Slurp, yum, delicious" Sesshoumaru teased smacking then licking his lips

"Oh god's" why me? Ah screw" does your face have rug burn?

"Now Yashakins don't be that way" Sesshoumaru teased "The tongue is such a flexible appendage"

"Fuck this I'm outta here, this shit's way to pervy for me. Sesshoumaru you are one sick twisted dog. I cannot believe my dignified high class brother is a big perv" Inuyasha said while he bolted out of the room

"Hehehe I knew that would get him" Sesshoumaru said to the others

"Don't run Inuyasha this is sex Ed class" Miroku teased "I could teach you tongue exercises"

"Yeah Inuyasha listen you can learn about girls this way" Sango added "I'll show you where all the special spots are"

"Sesshoumaru it is nice to have a fellow lecher" Miroku commented

"Why thank you"

**Sudden exposure, a show worth seeing, Inuyasha gets a big surprise**

A while later Sesshoumaru got Inuyasha to come back then gave apologies and promised not to freak him out anymore. Inuyasha accepted, using his demonic speed in a second Sesshoumaru was behind Inuyasha and had his pants down around his ankles and what a sight it was

"Gasp, what the fuck? Sessh you prick why? Inuyasha said while cupping his manhood with his large hands

"Because remember little brother when I drew your nude picture? At least I had your manhood covered with a sock" said Sesshoumaru, then lightly smacked him upside the head

"So what are you bitching about? At least I drew you with a big dick"

"That is beside the point, at least I had the dignity and consideration to keep your parts covered" Sesshoumaru shot back "And I always was well endowed"

The two were so busy bickering that they weren't paying attention and did not hear the door bell ring. Kagome answered it and opened the door, Kagura came in then heard the commotion and Kagome quickly explained everything to her, loving it Kagura smiled and watched

"I don't give a shit ya dick at least I didn't fucking pants you in front of everyone" Inuyasha barked "Especially in front of the girls"

"You might as well have you drawn a picture of my bare manhood, made cards of it and sent them to people as Christmas cards"

"I don't give a rats hairy ass you asshole this is worse and even tops what I did" Inuyasha snapped "I hope you get blue balls, and they fall off"

"That's the idea little brother this'll teach you to never fuck with the master" Sesshoumaru retorted

"You dirty bastard Prickmaru"

"Oh shut up your 21 years old it's not like you're a minor if you were I'd never have done it Peckeryasha" have you learned anything? Oh brainless student" Sesshoumaru said

"The rover boys are at it again" Kagura commented with a sneaky grin

"Yup" and Kagura what are you up to? Asked curious Kagome

"Oh just something I have been wanting to do for a long time"

"Oh I have got to see this" answered Kagome

"Hey Yasha is that for me? Kagura asked as she entered the room "Turn around lets get a look see. Nice ass, I could just bite that sweet little round apple"

"Oh crap" he said just remembering that he hadn't yet pulled his pants back up "And I forgot there's girls here"

"No need to hide from me, don't be shy Yasha" Kagura teased "I don't bite unless you want me to"

"Kag, Kagura what're you up to? Inuyasha asked nervously with his pants pulled back up but not closed, Sesshoumaru was smirking, Kagura was experienced "Gulp, Kagura"

"Awww my hot little dog eared Inu, I love dogs they're my favorite" was all she said as she stalked toward her prey

"Eek" Inuyasha squeaked

"Oh Inuyasha don't be such a virgin and enjoy it" Miroku ragged

**Lime starts**

Kagura then grabbed him by the neck of his shirt, and dragged him off into the first floor spare room, then locked the door behind them. Inuyasha found himself pinned against the wall with his arms pinned above his head by his wrists, Inuyasha tried to speak to ask what was going on but Kagura's lips were on his in a hard fiery kiss

When he relaxed she let go of his wrists, then reached down and gently rubbed his impressive manhood to find he was already hard. Kagura kissed his neck, and ground against him at the same time, she licked the crook of his neck sendind a shudder through his body

"Fuck Kagura your killing me"

"Wow your huge" she commented

"Ah, thank you, gl, glad you approve" he got out between pants

Kagura soon found herself pinned against the wall by a very amorous hanyou. Kissing her hard he slipped his tongue into her mouth while grinding into her, Inuyasha pulled back "Are you sure you want this? he asked

"Inuyasha we both know I'm very experienced but it's different with you"

"Oh, yeah how so?

"I'm in love with" she said

"Hah? What?

"I have been in love with you for a long time now" she replied

"Wow I never expected this you hot little thing" Inuyasha said, then took her lips again while their hands roamed each others bodies

**Lime ends**

All went quiet "You know when he comes out of that room he's not gonna be a virgin no more" Miroku said with a big lecherous grin "If he can still walk that is"

"Well maybe now he won't be so wound up all the time" Sesshoumaru said smiling evilly "Hehehe, horny puppy"

After a few minutes they heard "Merry freakin Christmas to me" Inuyasha said yes Inuyasha had taken Kagura against the wall

An hour later Sesshoumaru heard a feral growl as did the others, Sesshoumaru knew what that particular growl meant little brother had marked and taken a mate. Sesshoumaru had known for a while that Kagura was in love with Inuyasha and was going to intervene to get them together if it had continued going the way it was

"Thank the kami's" said a smiling Sesshoumaru "Now his pipes won't fall off from rusting over with non use" he joked

"What do you mean Sessh? Asked Kagome

"You heard that feral growl he let out he has marked and taken Kagura as his mate"

"Woo hoo" Kagome said grabbed Sango in a hug and they jumped up and down happy for their friends

"Women" Miroku said grinning

"Hm, I thought that I was going to have to lock those two up alone in the closet to get them together" Sesshoumaru stated

The following morning when Kagura, and Inuyasha appeared for breakfast "It's alive, and ooooo it can still walk" Sesshoumaru ragged Inuyasha "I trust nothing is broken. Or has been rendered useless"

"Ahhh shut the hell up lord pumps a lot" Inuyasha retorted "I'm surprised your's ain't fell off yet"

"Inuyasha lost his flower and it took less then an hour. For him things took a happy turn when he got major rug burn" Sesshoumaru teased

"Oh yeah you keep fucking like you are and soon we can call you lord Dicklessmaru. You laid so much pipe you should open your own plumbing business"

"Maybe so but I'll die happy and smiling, sawing all the wood you do you could start a carpentry business"

"Hey Yasha?

"What monk?

"So tell me did it hurt with your first squirt? Did you take it slow while working down low? Miroku teased

"_**Mirokuuuuu" **_do you think it'll hurt when thump you? Inuyasha screamed

"Weeeee he's gonna chase me I think he cares" Miroku wise cracked

"Yeah hubby don't get to tired out I've got plans for you" Kagura joked then smiled

"Don't worry hot stuff I'll be good to go" Inuyasha replied "Rest up babe cause when I'm through killing the monk your in trouble"

And hour later panting for air Miroku returned with smiling Inuyasha not far behind. Without a word Inuyasha picked Kagura up, put her over his shoulder, and bolted into the room they first mated in

"Be gentle it is my first time" Kagura teased

"See told ya I'd be good to go" he said "Hope you made you out your will"

"Sex fiend" Sesshoumaru joked after they were gone


End file.
